Coming Out To My Family As An Escort

Coming Out To My Family As An Escort

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Happy Holidays! This time last year due to unresolved family issues I decided to stop talking to my parents. I didn't talk to them for 10 months. I learned a lot about myself during the time we didn't talk, although for many months I felt sad and isolated. Taking the time away to process things gave me a new perspective on our issues and confidence in myself as a adult navigating the world. I realize this time of the year is tough for a lot of people. Families fight, drink too much, and dysfunctional family dynamics abound. However in the case with my family, problems have and continue to still be swept under the rug, as they would rather distract themselves with happy things than face them. However I won't hold it against them anymore, it's clearly a coping mechanism and they just want to be happy.

This past summer I went through a breakup with some narcissist who threatened to out me to my family. Given the fact that I hadn't talked to them in almost a year, I felt scared that this he could do this at any point to me. Many months went by and I felt afraid, until one day I realized all he wanted to do by the threats was give himself a sense of power and make me fear him. So I decided to not allow him to have that control, and to reach out to my family myself and tell them what I've been up to all this time. And guess what? Nobody was suprised. But I was shown by the people around me acceptance, and it honestly surprised me. My family didn't necessarily agree, but they still supported me. And things are back to normal again.

The fact that I had to live a double life had always been the hardest thing for me in this industry. When I first started I didn't tell any of my friends. I slowly started telling them, and I found that everyone supported me (save a few, which I've managed to repair things with since). The fact that I could still be accepted by my friends, and ultimately by my family, made me feel so much better and not like I was living a lie. It has made me feel a lot happier to not have to hide anything. I've never been someone who lives a double life and I'm an honest person to a fault most of the time, and being able to rid this from my life was a huge weight off my shoulders. 

I know that not everyone has had such a happy ending with outing themselves (or being outed) to their families and friends. I know that this time of the year is hard for a lot of people. But just know that even if you don't have a relationship with your family, there are still likeminded people around that care and can be there for you this Holiday Season.

50% Off For Black Clients Due To Racist Industry Practices.

50% Off For Black Clients Due To Racist Industry Practices.

EDIT: After an intense online discussion:

Even though I received support from several WOC sex workers, and nothing but positive messages from POC clients, some WOC (and a black male sex worker) stated that what I was doing did not help them. However, most of the complaints I received were from local white sex workers, all of which were friends and charging a lower rate than me, speaking "on behalf of" POC.

When writing the blog below, I did not even think to consider POC working in the industry. This has shown to be a divided topic between POC, however I truly apologize to the ones I hurt. I didn't even think about how this would affect local white escorts afraid I would suddenly steal business by lowering my rate. In a city with millions of people, and with over half my clients already being American, this was the last thing on my mind. I was simply trying to challenge the "No Black Men" posts that I have seen white providers post on ad sites and racial screening.

Because of this blog post, other escorts followed me in giving the discount, and some are still continuing to stand behind offering the discount. One of which is Hazel Katherine http://www.hazelkatherine.com/blog . Others are now donating the 50% to charity. Luxuria Studio will now be offering a discount for POC providers this Holiday Season for photos. P411 is now adding an "All Ethnicities Welcome" option for clients to search for non-discriminatory escorts who have that box checked on their profile. There was a global conversation on twitter, and most importantly: the industry was openly discussing racism, which was my goal.

However, the 50% discount is axed on my end. I realize now how it was problematic for some escorts. What was suggested instead by a few providers was to give what would have been discounted by black clients directly to a charity of the client's choice. I realize BLM is not supported by many people, so I am leaving the decision of where to donate up to the client. I think this is a much better solution than a discount as this WAY more effective, nobody accuses me of trying to compete with them, nobody gets a discount, everybody's happy...and more importantly : Money goes directly to an organization. And I encourage any local white providers who criticized me to also take action and donate a part of your booking fee, and to speak out against racism as much as you spoke out against me. 

So, if you haven't already made a date with me, this is what will happen before our session:

The session will remain at the same price. However:

Please donate 50% of all bookings 1.5 hours and up to a charity of your choice, and email me the receipt before we meet up- with amount donated viewable. Feel free to omit your name for privacy reasons, but don't try to make any fakes. I'll post the receipt to twitter, and omit your name regardless.

Then bring the other 50% payment for me when we meet.

Some suggestions of Charities to donate to: BLM, ACLU, Canadian Alliance For Sex Work Law Reform, Maggie's.

 

Original Post:

Given the emails I received while traveling in the United States about racial screening, I have decided to give black men, couples & women 50% off (min 1.5 hr booking) from now until the time that I leave Canada at the end of February, the end of Black History Month. 

I appreciate you & your business, and I'm sorry you have been discriminated against in "screening" practices. I think it goes without saying, but the 50% discount applies to people of mixed race and interracial couples.

I obviously realize that any minorities are discriminated against, but not to the level in this industry in which black men are targeted. Numerous ads explicitly state: "NO Black Men" and "No AA Men" and it is common for black men to be denied service, even upon arrival at a location. 

In addition to the ad posts, I've received emails from escorts screening clients for race, and even clients stating they are white in an email...while refusing to provide screening information. As if that would make me feel more safe? Check the last 500+ years of history. The only time I was ever assaulted by a client, he was white.

In fact when a prospective client mentions their race in an email, my first thought is "Why does it matter?". 

Some people might think me giving discounts based on race is racist. But these are likely the same providers who are refusing clients solely based on their race, and likely, who believe reverse racism exists. They say it's their business and they can refuse any races that they want. Using that logic, I can do whatever I want with my business. Such as giving black people discounts.

I'm stating now that not only do I see black clients, but I will be giving them a discount for having to put up with being racially profiled. I'm looking at you, providers who refuse people due to their race.

Im cutting my rates 50% so that people will LISTEN & THINK about the larger issue here at hand: racial profiling in America. Yes I do notice how extreme it is when I go to the USA on tour. This industry is just a symptom of it. If you haven't noticed, you haven't been paying attention. If a provider asks you for a client's race in a reference, ask them "Why does it matter" ? Challenge the question instead of just blindly complying. 

I know what you might be thinking. "50%?! Isn't that a bit extreme? Aren't you a Luxury Provider? Doesn't that discount you?"

Yes, it is extreme. That's the whole point. I'm doing this to bring attention to racial profiling in the industry, as a privileged luxury escort. 

Please donate here to Black Lives Matter:  

I've worked very hard over the last year and a half to build a reputable business for myself. I think it's important for me to use that influence for change in this industry, not just tweeting about my vacations or trips to the spa. This doesn't discount my business. It's only temporary - At the end of Black History month the rates change back to normal. 

"Does giving the discount mean that you prefer black men?"

No. This has nothing to do with preference. Remember, this is my job. This isn't Tinder, where I can see what people look like beforehand. Preference comes down to chemistry between two people, regardless of race. Any provider who says "White Men Only", clearly does not have chemistry with every white man she sees. If she says she does, she's lying.

All I care about when seeing clients is that they are respectful and that they pay me. All I care about in screening is the information listed on my booking form, such as LinkedIn, ID, and/or references. 

Racism has to end and the sex industry is no exception.

If you are an escort reading this who screens clients for race, please realize that yes, what you are doing is racist.

If you are a client who exoticizes escorts based on their race, please realize that yes, what you are doing is racist.

-Sonia

 

 

"Why are your American rates so much higher than your Canadian Rates?"

"Why are your American rates so much higher than your Canadian Rates?"

"Why are your American Rates so much higher than your Canadian rates?"

I've had this question asked several times while touring. Since I've decided to now list my American rates on my website, I'm going to clear up any future confusion about why there is a difference in price. Bear with me, this isn't exactly a sexy topic, but here it goes: 

1) Working as an escort in the United States is illegal. Canadian escorts tour there because we can charge more. We don't risk getting deported, banned for 10 years, and/or arrest...unless there is a great reward. Because the work is illegal, American escorts have higher rates than we do in Canada. The United States also has a stronger economy than Canada, and has higher profile clients: another reason why American escorts can set their prices higher.

2) Touring costs money. Unless I get a fly-me-to-you, I only have a handful of guaranteed-to-be-reliable regulars scattered around the United States. Most of my bookings happen shortly before arrival or once I arrive, which means I spend around 3-4K each tour out of pocket. I stay only in 4 & 5 star hotels, because I believe it is essential for myself and my client's experience of total relaxation, sensuality and comfort.

3) The Canadian and American markets are different. My rates are considered high for Canada. In the United States, they are considered low. At this stage in my career (1.5 years) I have to charge the rate I do in Canada, otherwise I would price myself out. I have to match the prices of luxury escorts in American cities, otherwise I would undercut myself. $1800/hr (which some luxury New York Escorts charge) simply does not exist in Canada. $1000/hr in Canada is virtually unheard of. Most luxury escorts here fall into the $350-500/hr range. And more than half of clients who hire me in Canada are American - most Canadian clients view even that price range as too high. If I charged the same rate that I did at home while on tour, I would not attract the same respectable clients that I do at home. I've worked hard to get to where I am in the Canadian market, and I will work hard to get to the same place in America.

I don't show my face primarily because of touring. Homeland Security has facial recognition software and has been known to ban escorts from entry at the border.

"Why Are Your Prices So High?"

I consider myself to be quite facially attractive, and many clients have described me as a classic Hollywood beauty. I ensure that you get the highest quality service. I've never gotten a bad review or cancelled an appointment, and I respond promptly to emails. I don't drink, I take care of my health and hygiene. The location I host in will be spotlessly clean. In other words, you get what you pay for: a consistently smooth experience. 

I hope that clears things up for my clients, and for the clients of my colleagues touring to the United States in the future.

Sonia

An Escort's Guide For Couples, The Illusion Of Monogamy, & Sex Work.

An Escort's Guide For Couples, The Illusion Of Monogamy, & Sex Work.

Booking an escort as a couple

I love seeing couples, and I've seen several couples as of late. I realize that there may be couples browsing my site contemplating booking me, but who may be hesitant about contacting an escort. I also realize that taking the step to open your monogamous marriage / relationship may be scary, which is why I decided to write this blog.

The illusion of monogamy 

Monogamy is considered to be the norm in our society. On the surface, many relationships and marriages appear to be monogamous, but 30-60% of married people have reported cheating on their spouses. Although lots of people are happily monogamous, statistics show that monogamy is secretly rejected by many.

There are thousands of sex workers in Toronto. Independent and Agency Escorts, Massage and Body Rub Attendants, Street Workers, Strippers, Sugar Babies, Cam Girls, Dommes, Subs....You get the picture. Clearly if we can all collectively be busy (and/or lucrative) working in Toronto, someone is paying, and most are "monogamous" married men. 

Due to this fact, seeing escorts is actually quite a normal thing to do. The typical "John" you imagine is probably not who you have pictured. You know more than a few men who have paid for sex. And you probably know a few women who worked in sex work at one point or another. It is crazy how many women I have met who are workers since I entered this industry that I already knew from my personal life (but didn't recognize from their blurred photos). Many women are turning to sex work to prosper in today's economy.

As sex work becomes more accepted in society, more people are becoming open about their involvement in it - but mainly these are the workers. Clients usually have a need for privacy and secrecy. Many respectable men hire escorts, but don't want anyone to know about it, for fear of damage to their relationship and reputation. Because of this secrecy we are kept underground. And so, many civilians still have an archaic perception of sex work. 

People in monogamous (and sometimes even "open"!) relationships are generally afraid to express their desire to sleep with other people to their partner. Anger, rejection, jealousy, threats, divorce... all fear based predictions of a perceived difficult conversation. Which is why escorts are able to stay in business. If everyone were to challenge society's norms and be open with their spouses, I'd be out of a job! However....

Congratulations on choosing honesty

You trusted your partner enough to talk about opening up your relationship - which means you work well as a team. You were vulnerable with your partner, and put fear aside. You gathered the strength to express your needs and communicate with love, acceptance, and respect.

Wanting to experiment is natural and doesn't mean that you love your partner any less. In fact, opening up your marriage or relationship can bring you closer than ever before. Healthy relationships are built on trust. The fact that you have taken the step just to talk together about this is something that you should be proud of. And sleeping with other people is exciting, natural, and most of all - fun!

Seeing an escort as a couple

As I said before, you probably know a few sex workers and a few patrons of sex workers. Of course, you may be nervous about visiting a sex worker together. But let me assure you, we are just normal members of society who have other lives outside of our aliases. Glamorous photographs and lingerie aside, you probably wouldn't be able to point us out in a crowd. 

So then why book a sex worker? Why not just find a civilian?

We are professionals. We make sure that the experience goes smoothly and that everyone is happy and comfortable. It's easy to book us, and we're reliable.

If you are nervous, I will make sure to address any concerns to make you feel at ease. Jealousy does not come into play, nor competition. You can feel secure in knowing that I won't be a threat to your relationship. Think of me as your guide. Think of me as someone who can bring your fantasy to life for the first time.

I truly believe hiring an escort can be a fetish in itself.  It's always exciting to book a date and know that there will be a girl waiting at a condo to meet you in lingerie ;)

I hope that after newbies see me they feel excited to set forth into the world with confidence to try out other adventures. And to those who have seen me before, I look forward to seeing you again soon!

-Sonia

 

Written Testimonials in Lieu of Escort Review Boards

Written Testimonials in Lieu of Escort Review Boards

Although Escort Review Boards have brought me some clients, on July 1st I adopted a No Review Policy. 

I have yet to receive a bad review, however I find review boards problematic for a number of reasons. I don't like graphic descriptions of my sexuality displayed publicly on the internet, and I don't like being graded on a scale from 1-10. I don't find it discrete nor classy.

A troublesome client in June threatened to give me a bad review to lower my TER rating when I told him to stop being aggressive. After hearing other escorts discuss similar threats from bad TER clients, I decided it is a culture that I would rather not support. I don't like the fact that clients can coerce women due to these boards and threaten their reputation and safety. I had leverage against this client and so the threats were dropped. Unfortunately many women out there may have been forced to comply.

A few months ago TER made a rule that in order to be graded 10/10 you had to do certain services-some of which I don't offer. I have been graded 9/10 on there twice, and I am worried clients who read my rating will expect some of these services from me. I don't think it's fair for the site to pressure women to perform some of these services in order to get a higher ranking. It's pressure and competition in the worst possible way. I like to offer my clients good experiences but I also have a say in how the session goes. Anything beyond that is exploitative.

I also don't get any regular business from review boards. Clients who found me on boards make up around 5% of my business. Good reviews have helped somewhat, but I am asking future clients to not write any more reviews. The men on the boards may read graphic depictions of me online - but I can see that most are not paying to read this erotica starring me. Why should I let anyone share graphic descriptions of me for free?

I have a twitter, website and am verified on The Verification Guide, P411 and Eros. My photos are authentic. This isn't a bait and switch. Verifying women was the reason these boards were created in the first place, and now it's broken women down into a series of sexual service acronyms. My clients are the type of people that care about the experience that I offer more than breaking down my "services" piece by piece.

I'm now asking clients to email me testimonials if they enjoyed our time together. It's a lot more personal and genuine. If you have seen me before and plan on writing a review, please send a testimonial instead. Thanks!

 

Candids

Candids

an independent escort and her camera

I have taken a lot of selfies this year so I thought I'd catalogue some of the better pictures in this blog. I'm always happy to take selfies of lingerie gifts I get from patrons.

Toronto Escort: A Review - Year 1

Toronto Escort: A Review - Year 1

Today marks the one year anniversary of the day that I started working in the adult entertainment industry. My first experience was working for an agency for one day, decided I didn't like it, and found work though a friend at a massage parlour. I then decided to join an independent collective/agency until I found my footing to work independently.

What I wish I knew a year ago...

...my first year as an escort in toronto

1) You may become more confident. When I started I thought that I would feel damaged by this industry, but I surprisingly learned a lot about myself. Being paid for my time made me tolerate less from men in my personal life. To think that in the past I had chased men...some of the stuff I put up with seems laughable now. I have stronger boundaries now, have a great network of friends in the industry, and I have explored a lot sexually in the past year. I've seen it all! I am no longer shy about many things when it comes to my sexuality and body.

2) You're safer working on your own. You are responsible for your own safety which comes before someone else's profit. You engage directly with clients, and you decide who you feel comfortable with seeing. Of course, having support from other independents in the community is helpful for safety as well. But no one just walks in off the street. You have all the control.

3) You determine your worth. When I worked for an agency for a day, I was being seriously undercut. This was because I didn't know any better, until I found out I could make twice as much somewhere else. I'm currently making 4 times the amount I was per hour on that first day of work. If sex work was more visible and if more civilians knew what the industry was like, I wouldn't have ever found myself in that situation. Do your research and observe. That would have saved me a lot of time. If someone else is booking you, you will have to work harder for the same amount or less than you could be making on your own.

4) You may grow up. As an Independent, I learned that I could successfully own my own business. I learned a lot about how to operate as an entrepreneur. I paid off debt, I started saving, I got an accountant, and I got my own apartment. I now do what I want instead of having someone else control my time and income. These skills I can now apply to any business I choose to start in the future. I may never have to work for anyone else again, and I feel confident that I can run my own life now.

5) You can be healthy. Health risks were a huge fear of mine when starting. Escorts are not diseased. This is just another part of the stigma associated with the work. I have yet to experience a client that had anything, but I'm also super careful and ask for references, and I get tested regularly.

6) Your friends will accept you. At first I didn't tell anyone what I did, but over time I slowly opened up to more and more people. I'm not completely out to everyone however. There were some initial questions and worries, but people who I have known for years are happy that I have been able to make a good life for myself. 

7) You can have a happy and healthy relationship. I thought initially that it would be impossible to date while in this industry. I was afraid that no one would want to date me, and worried about how I would explain myself to people I wanted to date. But in my first month of working last year I met an incredible man and we are still together. He never once became jealous, he is open minded, and he accepts me for who I am. I hope everyone else in this industry can find love and acceptance too. 

Thanks for reading my blog! I hope this helps you if you are new to the industry.

 

Cherry Blossoms

Cherry Blossoms

toronto courtesan in her natural habitat: Spring 2017

The sun is finally shining and I couldn't wait to feel the warm rays on my pale skin. This photoshoot drew quite the crowd as I was "exposed" and very public.

Winter Memories

Winter Memories

toronto courtesan in her natural habitat : winter 2017

NYC Escort

NYC Escort

Companionship services also available in nyc. 

I love visiting New York City and would love to visit you as well!

Fly Me To You!

*Rates listed on my website are for Toronto only. Please contact me for NYC Rates.

My Experience as a Client

My Experience as a Client

Becoming a client as an escort

I decided to attend a session of sensual bodywork because I am an escort. A friend recommended I see the practitioner as I was hoping to have a transformative experience that was sexual as well as healing. My work requires a lot of personal energy and I was hoping to experience what it was like to be a client on the receiving end of a sensual massage. The session was non-rushed and relaxing.

She was a very kind, patient, and understanding woman, with beautiful long red hair and a sweet smile. I have been with a lot of people, in my personal and professional life, and no one has ever touched me like that before. It is hard to describe. At points it felt as if she had more than two hands. 

I had my eyes closed most of the session, so I'm not sure exactly what she was doing, but her technique was jaw dropping. I managed to have two orgasms, which were both very intense.

But what strikes me the most is how I felt after I left the session. Many emotions came up, and many insights came to me with having a clear head. I really feel like there was some special energy given to me through this, that helped me sort out some issues in my personal life. I'm not sure what she did exactly but I really do feel healed.

It was interesting to experience what it was like being a client, and I recommend any escort try this at least once. 

Choosing Clients

Choosing Clients

Independent Escort Sonia DuBois Featured on Lavish Copenhagen:

I’m Sonia DuBois, an independent escort from Toronto, Canada. I’m thrilled to have been asked to write for you, as I’m also an EU citizen and have been considering doing a tour of Europe. My website is www.soniaduboistoronto.com and you can follow me on twitter @soniaduboisto . Let me know if you are interested in seeing me. I’ve never been to Copenhagen but have heard great things, and I have to say, Scandinavian men are very sexy.

Working as an independent escort so far has been a great experience. I’ve also been a client. It’s interesting having been on both sides as I’ve experienced the nervousness, anticipation, and excitement of being a client. I recommend any escort put themselves in the client’s shoes at least once.

I’d like to write about what makes for a good session between me (a luxury escort) and a new client. There are certain things luxury escorts look for in choosing a client. It is recognized that luxury escorts, such as myself, are very selective about who we choose to see. We do this because we want to ensure that our clients have the very best experience that we can provide.

Safety first

I first look at how the client approaches me in his initial e-mail. Is he respectful? Is he intelligent? Is the e-mail professional? Does he want to prebook? Can he provide references from other escorts? Does he volunteer his phone number? Can I verify his identity? All of these things make me feel comfortable because they ensure my safety. They show that the client is a respectable gentleman. I get very excited for our date when I know that I will be meeting a considerate person.

Respect & expectations 

I count on a confirmation of the date from the client. This lets me know that you respect my time and are excited to meet me. Before the first session, please keep the e-mailing to a minimum. I love keeping in contact with my regular clients through e-mail, but I need to know before the first session that you are not going to waste my time with emailing and not following through. I’m a very busy lady. If you like before the session, ask me if I would like a gift, or surprise me when you get there! Gifts are never necessary, but it shows her me you are a thoughtful person. Stockings, garter belts, and panties all make better surprise gifts than say food or wine (I have dietary restrictions and I abstain from drinking alcohol). Requesting a social date is also nice, such as going to dinner or to the theater.

Professionalism

Please make sure you are on time for your date. After showering, ask me about my likes and dislikes. If there are any fantasies you have, ask me if we could explore them. This shows me that you respect my boundaries by asking before getting into bed, and helps me find out just what you would like out of the session. Just make sure not to ask questions about my personal life. Some escorts are open to talking about their personal life, but this should only be volunteered by them if they want to disclose.

 

Now let’s have some fun!

The Business Of A Toronto Independent Companion /

The Business Of A Toronto Independent Companion /

An Independent Escort Is The CEO Of Her Own Business

 I treat escorting like any professional service business. While escorting is a fabulous profession, there is a lot of unsexy work to be done in the back office. This keeps the business on track so that I can focus my attention on delivering the very best experience for my clients. 

I keep track of all costs associated with running the business. From operating costs (such as stockings, manicures and black cars) to capital costs (such as photoshoots and lingerie) to the time I spend on Twitter or responding to my clients requests-I track everything. This is so that I can keep track of how my business is developing over time. I want to know that I am running a business that is sustainable.

The Accounting Work Needed For A Successful Small Business

I have been pushing to develop my business efficiently so that I can make a living while treating my clients with the highest level of service and value.

Tracking my business helps me continue to be motivated and pushing for a higher target each month. I believe that treating the work like a business is the key to success, and shows respect for the work as a legitimate profession. I recommend all escorts do this as I have found it incredibly helpful in making this business both personally and financially successful.

Treating My Clients & Colleagues With Respect

I also have an encrypted, secure client database. I track my clients so that I know what they like and how they like to be treated. I track my clients so that I can prepare effectively before meeting with them for subsequent dates. I do my best to exceed my clients’ expectations every session so having a “little red book” with their inclinations helps me deliver exceptional service.

Professionalism online and with colleagues is also incredibly important to me. I do not complain on Twitter about clients, I do not disclose private information about clients online, and I treat my colleagues with respect. I maintain a professional attitude-and because of this, I have gotten help from many successful people in the industry. I believe in forming a community and becoming friends with my colleagues. It’s incredibly important as independent escorts that we stick together. Not only for safety reasons, but so that we can legitimize this profession-and have the respect of the rest of society.